Happy Birthday Marcus/balloons/OFW

Tell us when your birthday balloons arrive

Dear Marcus, Happy Birthday!! We miss you.  We miss singing with you—especially caroling.  We miss seeing you with your kids—man they love you in a beautiful way; enjoying your many projects—uh, who has a self-made zip line in their back yard?; watching your goofy antics at celebratory events—bottle whistling, role playing and such.  We miss challenging conversations that stretch us. We miss laughing with you.  Okay, that’s enough of that before we all get maudlin.  The main thing is that while we are billions of meters away from you, we think about you and pray for you every day—and just plain miss you. 

Here in our current neck of the woods people are very accustomed to being far from home, as we are now. There are so few jobs here, and so little hope of advancement or education for your children, that people leave home by the droves to work overseas and send money home.  There is even an acronym OFW (overseas Filipino worker), and a department in the national government to oversee all the oversea-going! In2010 it was estimated that 11% of all Filipinos are not living in the Philippines!  Crazy.  They are often skilled workers—nurses, PTs— but are working as house help or in nanny positions.  And they leave home for years at a time, leaving kids behind with others. They are all over the world, in Japan, Lebanon, Switzerland, but most are in the US and the numbers are almost as high in Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, UAE, and Canada. Foreign countries love Filipino house helpers because their English is far better and their accents more understandable than those who learn English in other countries; this is due to the long connection with the US that the Philippines has—generations of English speakers and English as a second official language.

Marcus, Rebecca, Jack and Eliza

Elder Ardern of the 70, and in the area presidency over Philippines, counts this overseas drain as the most serious cultural problem facing the family in this country.  And we see its effects on so many families.  One effect of course is the lack of parental love and supervision.  By far most of these overseas workers are female, their kids are being raised by aunties or grandmas who may or may not be really engaged, and their father is often not involved.  The second effect is almost as problematic.  If there is an oversea worker in the family, then that person sends home support for their kids and those raising them, which gets stretched to extended family.  And hence comes this dependent culture between workers and non-workers where so many people here literally forget how or why one would work.  A third effect is on the worker.  Sometime their working conditions are horrible, their wages still low, they are practically enslaved since they don’t earn enough for plane fare home, their employers  often confiscate their passports, and they only come home every second or even up to fifth year. They might live in a closet under a stair way their lips and skin cracking from the desert dryness they are unaccustomed to, with no chance for improvement, no chance of going home, and little ability to communicate with family other than sending money by wire.  If that worker is married, you can imagine how many of those marriages survive.  It is very common for people to have families in both countries—the family they left behind, and the family they have now in Singapore or wherever—another tragic effect of OFW.

But all is not tragic.  A few make it work.  Children are resilient.  Church and community step in.

Happy Birthday from our front yard.

Here is our most recent encounter with it.  We met a family where the mom, has been gone in Dubai for 8 years.  Her daughters are 16 and 17.  She comes home every 2 years for a month or so. The dad is at home with the girls and has a small business.  Even though their dad has moved away from the church and acquired a few vices, these girls have actually fared amazingly well without their mom.  They were both baptized just before she left, and the branch has held them close since. They are always at the church, engaged in whatever is going on—seminary, YW activities, service projects, firesides, b-ball games, choir practice.  They are now both in first year college (remember high school only goes to grade 10 here, though that is soon changing).  They are not pregnant (soooo common here) they are not doing drugs, alcohol or tobacco, they are doing well in school, they are out- going and love to practice their English, giggling and egging each other on. 

Just in case the first batch doesn't make it we sent more

We met their mom, Sister G., last week.  She was home on leave.  It was supposed to be 2 months, but her employer has called her every day demanding that she come back early because the 4 children miss her so much.  Sister G. reminds the woman that her daughters have been missing her too, but the woman says, yes, but they are grown and so they are fine without you.  She says her 2 year old won’t stop saying “Nita”, “Nita” and crying. So Sister G. is giving in and cutting her leave short.  She is hoping her boss can get her husband a job too, so she doesn’t want to rock that boat.   I just wonder how often her girls cried for her while she was tending those other babies.  And now Sister G. goes back so that (according to her) the mother can ignore them and sleep till 11 am.  She doesn’t dare refuse or she will lose her job, her husband might not get the job the employer is holding out as a carrot, and her daughters won’t finish their education.  When they graduate, she will come home for good. In the mean time she cannot take with her any scripture—not allowed in the house--she must cover her head always, she cannot attend church, nor leave the house on Sunday. But her daughters will have and education, and they are strong, so the investment paid off.

Marcus we are so grateful our family members don’t have to make such difficult choices. We are now far away, but not till after our kids were grown and self-reliant.  You have had to be away from your family for relatively short periods here and there for training and such, but you have always made time for your family, the time away has been relatively short, and your relationship and influence has never diminished. You give them what they need in all aspects of their life, and you put them first in your decisions and priority.  Your relationship with them is so sweet and so powerful.  We think you are a great Dad and husband and we are grateful for how you serve them and your country, and teach them by example of love and compassion and service. We love you Marcus, and on your birthday we pay tribute to you, to your service in the army, and to your continued love and influence on your family.  And, we miss you.