Happy Birthday Melissa!

Happy Birthday dear Melissa

We can’t begin to tell you how much we miss you and your dear husband and babes. Our lives have been so closely intertwined these last many years, that you have become part of the normal ebb and flow of breath and time, like you were just a part of us. We could hardly make a decision without consulting you, at least for calendaring purposes, if not for participation and help. So here we are, thousands of miles away, without benefit of your sharp, clear vision, and without access to the joyful moments and/or hectic events that have become so valued, so dear. We miss you Melis, and can’t really think about it very much, or it’s just too big a hole to walk around with.

With each of the grand-kids' birthday posts so far, I’ve told them something I thought would be of particular interest to them, so I’ll do the same for you—a couple of little human interest stories-- illustration of life here, and perspective for life there.

The first one is just funny. We went weeks ago to see an elderly couple who had not been to church for ages. We hit it off, though she has almost no English. We challenged them to come back to church and prepare to go to the temple, but they were reticent, citing ill health and a huge boil on her foot that makes it hard to travel to church. I went back later and invited her to our branch R.S. dance practice. Oh she hobbled to church for that, you better believe, and had a great old time. She is big and fleshy and jolly and loves to dance. Well, once she'd been for dance practice, she had little excuse to miss the real deal, so now they mostly come. So this week, I walked in to the chapel about 10 minutes early, which here is like arriving the day before. She was already there and she had a big old bottle of rum next to her! The branch's first counselor's wife was sitting next to her laughing and trying to peel off the label. I walked up to shake their hands, and they hastily assured me that this was not rum, that is was just water with something added for her boil which was acting up. She was laughing, the other woman was too, and of course I thought it was hilarious. I said "oh, so it's medicinal." They nodded emphatically, giggling all the while. I chose not to open it for a whiff--best not to know. Finally they gave up on the label peeling attempt and wrapped a handkerchief around the unmistakable bottle. The questions arise: was this indeed "medicinal"? Was it actually rum in sacrament meeting? What is the optimal ratio of rum to water for treating a boil? If there was no rum involved, where did the bottle come from for the "medicine"? and finally, "Why was she not sharing?" She just chortled away, grabbing me once in a while to give me a big squooshy hug and waggle her head, knowing the irony of it all, and feeling felling no pain.

I'm not sure why that story came to mind for your birthday post, but I think because it is a story that the Stout in you would particularly enjoy. In fact, if Laren were to read this, you now he would smuggle a rum bottle filled with water into your mom's handbag next Sunday--maybe even use it to fill the sacrament cups.

Yesterday, we met for the first time the woman who serves as the District Young Women President. The District is as big in terms of members as a stake, with probably as many young women, though there are only 4 branches. Sister S. is a returned missionary, a VERY important distinction here, just turned 40, and has been married for 8 years. She has been serving in this calling since before she was married—10 years!! And has always had a branch calling or 2 or 3 also. She has seldom had her presidency fully staffed in one time, and she said when I met with her, that this was the first time she had ever had a one-on-one training session in all that time. She orchestrated the participation by her District youth in a huge cultural event in Cebu last year along with the temple dedication, plus a 3 day youth conference celebrating the jubilee year-50 years of the church in the Philippines. She pulls off this kind of thing in a place where her youth have no transportation of their own, nor money for fare to get anywhere, nor phones to communicate. And yet it all seems to happen.

Sister S is married to the branch president of a branch with 700 plus members on the records and about 120 attendance!! He too has been in his calling for 10 years!! They have been trying for their whole married life to have children, but can’t so far, and this last year after 8 years of waiting, she had 2 pregnancies that both ended in miscarriages.

She and her husband arrive at church (her only day off) early, and they just literally camp out there all day every Sunday. They bring a lunch and she sometime puts two tables together and has a nap (no couches or stuffed chairs here) while he is working in his office and meeting with people. She says she prefers it to going home because it is so peaceful in the church, but at her house the neighbors are too near and loud and it doesn’t feel like the Sabbath so she just stays at church all day.

It is so interesting how each of us has our own trials. This woman’s life is opposite from yours in many ways. She aches for kids, and you have a clan. She buys a tiny sack of groceries every day for her and her husband, while you need 2 carts at your weekly Winco extravaganza. You have financial security, and almost no discretionary time. She works 6 days a week, still has next to nothing financially, but can hang out all day at church on a Sunday because she is not needed anywhere else. You have too much to manage. She has too little. With all those differences, I know you two would hit it off. You are both delightful and very real.

In every realm and country, yours and hers, life is just plain hard for lots of different reasons. The miracle is that in households all over the world, women like you and like Sister S find the beautiful moments, make choices to add peace and beauty to their lives, and nurture the people around them-- in their families or the communities or their callings.

We applaud you Melissa for doing all of that. You are magnificent in your capacity as wife and mother. You are dependable and stalwart and beautiful. You are steadfast and immovable. How did all that come in the same package? Thanks for all you do to make it possible for us to be here--the mail, the bills, the banking, the house stuff. And thanks even more for the dedicated wife and mother you are for our son and grandchildren. We love you immensely and . . .

We wish you a hugely happy birthday !!